so close yet so far

[sogood01]

the day we meet it was love at first sight
the frist kiss was ever so sweet
I thank God for putting you in my life everyday
to me it was faith to meet


looking up into the stars above
thanking my lucky stars that i have you
waiting till the day we marry
in my eyes it will aways be just us two


i look up at the clouds and i see your face
just hoping to see you again soon
missing you ever so badly
tears fall down my face as I look at the moon

holding you in my arms brings me at ease
love the feeling that your so close
the feeling the touch i miss it so
what can i say? i miss you most

[Lord of Death]

Very nice!!

[LIGHTcameraACTION!]

=^^= This is sweet. But if I may, I'd like to point out a few things... (hope you don't mind)

I've made the corrections in red.


the day we met it was love at [first] sight
the first kiss was ever so sweet
I thank God for putting you in my life everyday
to me it was faith to meet

looking up into the stars above
thanking my lucky stars that i have you (I didn't really understand this line to be honest)
waiting till the day we marry
in my eyes it will aways be just us two

i look up at the clouds and i see your face
just hoping to see you again soon
missing you ever so badly
tears fall down looking at the moon (the line might make more sense if you say something like, "tears fall down my face as I look at the moon.")

holding you in my arms brings me at ease
love the feeling that you're so close
the feeling, the touch i miss it so
what can i say i miss you most (maybe find a different way to word this like, "What can I say? I miss you the most.")


I'm not trying to discourage you, I just wanted to point out the grammatical mistakes, if you fix all that then this is a very nice love poem. :]

[SigmaSD]

Wow great poem. See you dont have to be shy when posting your work, we'll help you increase your skills as you go along.

I like this poem because it describes your irresistible love for this person, the analogies personify your emotions for him. Nice job.

[ultra_maniac]

Wow great poem. See you dont have to be shy when posting your work, we'll help you increase your skills as you go along.

I like this poem because it describes your irresistible love for this person, the analogies personify your emotions for him. Nice job.

i agree with you there are some great poets in af they will surely help u

and as about this poem litlle spell mistakes but awesome

[Kaname Shikara]

This is a great poem, it let's the reader understand your feelings towards him keep writing you'll just get better and better

[[email protected]]

wow the people here are really so lovely and helpful. ^^
It was a decent try and i applaud the effort. I can see raw talent in there and room for improvement. Things like spelling and grammar though, shouldn't be taken for granted. The poem was lovely but marred by little mistakes.
Just keep the poems coming alright? Because this is the place to share our works and nurture and grow our poetic soul.

[sogood01]

hehe thanks everyone for the nice comments i'll keep improving.

[sogood01]

=^^= This is sweet. But if I may, I'd like to point out a few things... (hope you don't mind)

I've made the corrections in red.


the day we met it was love at [first] sight
the first kiss was ever so sweet
I thank God for putting you in my life everyday
to me it was faith to meet

looking up into the stars above
thanking my lucky stars that i have you (I didn't really understand this line to be honest)
waiting till the day we marry
in my eyes it will aways be just us two

i look up at the clouds and i see your face
just hoping to see you again soon
missing you ever so badly
tears fall down looking at the moon (the line might make more sense if you say something like, "tears fall down my face as I look at the moon.")

holding you in my arms brings me at ease
love the feeling that you're so close
the feeling, the touch i miss it so
what can i say i miss you most (maybe find a different way to word this like, "What can I say? I miss you the most.")


I'm not trying to discourage you, I just wanted to point out the grammatical mistakes, if you fix all that then this is a very nice love poem. :]

oh thank you i'll fix em ^ ^

[Kirei Shijin]

wow the people here are really so lovely and helpful. ^^
It was a decent try and i applaud the effort. I can see raw talent in there and room for improvement. Things like spelling and grammar though, shouldn't be taken for granted. The poem was lovely but marred by little mistakes.
Just keep the poems coming alright? Because this is the place to share our works and nurture and grow our poetic soul.

^I completely agree!